SHARING IS CARING!

BOOK CLUB PRESENTATION ON WOMEN’S DAY

Preamble

My name is Lynda Stephen/Ogle, and it is an honour to be here today to tell you about a book I’ve written, a book called ‘Stand Up Stand Down: Lynda Rogle’; a work of fiction. I would like to thank our hosts for allowing me to do so. Briefly–the story tries to show that there is hope for our country despite the troubled times in which we live. Whether the reader sees this is what I’m eager to find out. It is self-published because I believe it is a book for the times and that as many people as possible should read it. There is no way I was going to wait for a conventional publisher to publish or not. It’s a simple story showing the way to improbable possibilities. For those possibilities to become a reality, the hero makes tough choices. He attempts to expose corruption at substantial risk to himself and high cost to family. It is also an easy read in the action/adventure genre. One reason I wrote the book is a concern for the crime being done by younger and younger people today. I hope anyone reading it will become more aware of this reality that we face. The anti-corruption sentiment that pushes the story forward is the motivation for the things that happen to the characters, and corruption itself is the reason the crimes occur. The characters include several women; some strong, some not so strong. One tries to make amends for past mis-steps, another succumbs to despair–just normal people put into difficult situations. What they do with the challenges they face makes the story interesting. The possibilities promised in the story take me back to a special day set aside in the seventies called ‘ World Day of Prayer.’ In those dark days when women gathered world-wide to pray, I often wondered what possible changes they could make in our country? And then some twenty years later we reach democracy! I like to think that those pioneering prayer warriors had a significant influence on the changes that came. Women have been brave warriors as far back in history even before the time of Christ. They confidently pushed new boundaries, making changes that were necessary. Today, because of those who went before and as our hosts have shown us in the sterling work they do, I have hope for SA.

The Authentic Modern Woman

To connect a book I have written called ‘Stand Up Stand Down to what is happening to children today, I would like to talk on–Authentic Modern Woman. A quote by a 19^th century writer by the name of Stendahl caught my attention in a book I read. Stendahl says: ‘The most shocking thing about women is that they make the public the supreme judge of their lives’. I find it strange that Stendahl found this shocking considering how hard men tried to keep women in the kitchen and how long women had to fight to get out of it. But I agree we must take back our place in the lives of our children, which we seem to have traded for our emancipation. I don’t think our pioneering heroines like Greer meant for us to be some… hybrid male. We don’t have to step over dead bodies to reach the top. Women have different strengths.

Crime

What I’d like to consider here is how our not being true to ourselves affects the children we raise. With so much crime being done by younger children, we have to give serious thought to where it went wrong. Why the extremely vicious crime, particularly towards care-givers, be they mothers or grandmothers? There are various contributors, of course, but the one I find may be the initial problem is – a need to be loved and a need for that personal attention we all require throughout our lives. Even plants shrivel up and die if neglected.

Good Role Model

As a parent or guardian, being a good example trumps instruction every time. Any teacher will tell you that children learn best when we show, not talk. Our ever observant children are watching us, because to know themselves they have to know who we are. That is why we must be true. They will also learn self-esteem from an authentic parent who does not over-protect. Self-esteem grows in a child when we teach him we respect him, he is worthy of our attention and that we love him. ‘Granny, do you love me?’ my granddaughter often asks.

Love

I find it strange that she would ask this question. There is so much we took for granted as the older generation. It never occurred to me that my parents and grandparents did not love me. I suspect we now expose children to too much and they become insecure. We have to love the children from start to finish and never stop. What we must not do is over-protect. It is a delicate balancing act. Love the offender, not the offence. We cannot fake love, ever. But is just loving them not too simplistic? Will it solve the problem? Love is a much abused word, I agree. I recall a sixties song by Anthony Quinn, better known for acting than singing. In it he says the phrase ‘I love you ‘ in a string of different languages. Now you can say I love you in a hundred ways, but for a child you must show it to be authentic. And, not as the wife in a Quinn film says to her husband–I cook your food, I wash clothes, I clean house? What more do you want? This is after he accuses her of not loving him. Would that it were that simple! We must show love.

Dis-connect

I think the best way to do this is to show the children why love must sometimes be tough. There may also be a dis-connect between ourselves and the children. I believe it is this dis-connect that makes them vulnerable enough to turn to drugs, run away and perhaps end up traded as sex slaves. It is natural for children to become more independent as they grow but perhaps the dis-connect comes from the speed with which modern technology has changed the way we relate to each other. No longer do we communicate one on one–the social network replaces that. And because of this, the effort to re-connect with the children has to be that much greater!

Mistakes

In my book, ‘Stand Up Stand Down’ the people seeking redemption from past mistakes are like us all. We make mistakes; we try to fix them and sometimes the pain is just too much… but the authentic woman will not miss a beat. She will come back stronger because genuine power lies in being… real. The authentic woman has to remember that she has tremendous power, as MOTHER, WIFE, NEIGHBOUR, NURTURER, GUIDE, COLLEAGUE, SOLE PROVIDER and LEADER in society.

Selfish

The smallest things that we do almost unconsciously daily become habits we accept as normal and they tell others who we are. To show this, I experienced a little wake-up call recently. I attempted to use a lift that did not allow trolleys and an elderly man advised I could not do so, because it would be inconsiderate of the other users. He firmly put me in my place, but he was so right. It is the little things that count, and when we own up to our selfish ways, we can make changes. Another thing we must remember is that all criminals once had a mother and orphans have guardians. Machines do not raise people, yet! How we raise the children matters.

Passive Egotism

What may be happening right now is that the predictions made in Aldous Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ in 1932 could come true. As one social critic said of ‘Brave New World’… it is a cynical view where too much freedom and too much information turn the population into passive egotists; where our culture becomes so trivial nobody wants to read a book anymore and truth is concealed in a sea of irrelevance … Yes, I think that may be what is happening but, there is hope.

Women make Changes

As women, we CAN make the changes needed to reverse the cynicism and the egotism that dominates society. We do this by being true to ourselves and becoming more aware of the little things that matter, but which we take for granted. No FATHER, HUSBAND, SON, LOVER, FRIEND, EMPLOYER, COLLEAGUE, PRIEST or PRESIDENT must stop us from being authentic. We must not be people-pleasers, as suggested by Stendhal over a hundred years ago. When drugs or any substance addiction stops us from being real, we need to ask ourselves why we escape into the oblivion of addiction–perhaps we’re all looking for love?? That is definitely something that we can change.

Market

The only effective way to remove or reduce drug addiction is to remove the market for it. To do that, we have to look to ourselves, not the dealer. And in the same way the only effective way to reduce child slave-trafficking, which my book deals with, is to love the children and make laws to punish the customer where it hurts, in his pocket. This can drastically shrink the market for sex slavery, which largely depends on the drug market.

New Bill in Parliament

Our parliament has been sitting on a bill, trafficking in persons bill, tabled about seven years ago and the good news is government has now passed it, some two weeks ago. This bill if implemented will shrink the market. What has to happen is that the public must see that they implement this law. As commendable as the many laws are that parliament passes, you and I know what a sad record government has for implementing the laws they pass. Women can make sure this is not another worthless piece of paper. If Sweden can do it so can we–slave traffickers avoid that country because the punishment for the crime is so drastic. Pie in the sky for South Africa? No, no–not at all. Women have effected change before, we can do it again! To quote American president, Obama–Yes we can! Viva! authentic women everywhere.

BOOK CLUB