The Sexuality Conundrum

Symptomatic

If this is so, what condition are they a symptom of? Perhaps the condition of a sick society infected by a lack of genuine love? God created man to love him, to serve him and to be with him in the next life, says the old catechism. The best description of actual love is the well-known biblical verse on the definition of love 1 Cor. Chapter 13. If I took this description of love seriously, I should be less gloomy, right? 

Lost the plot

Be positive, stop being so negative echoes the voices in my mind. Voices of so many well-meaning positive gurus out there. And yet, I still find it hard not to wonder where we went wrong as a society. Have we lost the plot? If there has been a time in history when we have had more wars on so many fronts, giving rise to so many genocides and so much abuse of the weak by the strong, then I know nothing! The abuse, sexual and otherwise, is not unique to Hollywood. It is a pandemic that overwhelms even the most hardened stoic.

Actual Value

Related

With the groundswell of opposition to denuding of forests, rampant consumerism of natural resources, driven by big business greed for more and more power, most of us know that we have discarded real values for the very ‘needs’ of humanity, that are in reality mere ‘wants’.  We need very little to survive, but we need a great deal to satisfy our lust for wanting more of the same day in and day out. What’s this to do with sexuality? Well, just about everything! The two things are relatable. It reflects our general attitude  – a lack of nurture whether it be nature, environment or people.

REVERENCE

The Zulu greeting ‘Sawubona’ shows us the first step in reverencing the other person at the first meeting and every other time you meet someone. ‘I see you’ acknowledges the other person’s very existence.  Have we traded our respect for each other for pseudo-sophistication? If we truly saw in each other the dignified life embodied in each person, we would think twice about disrespecting or ignoring their humanity. The veneer of sophistication appears to be super thin when we descend to the lowest human depravity which is child abuse.

Transactional

Disregard for the other by devaluing their worth and reducing people to transactional entities, ‘what do I get out of this situation?’ IS THE ROOT OF ALL OUR PROBLEMS! The wanting never stops! We cannot separate it from who we are as a society, starting with family and how we relate to each other. The glue that keeps a family strong, confident and progressive is trust, sincerity, openness and kindness. However, often we confuse our children by doing things that lose us their trust. Instead, we teach them to be secretive and we show them cruelty rather than that rare ‘milk of human kindness’?

Poor Role Model

The man who sexually assaults a vulnerable person was probably taught that he must always look for ‘what is in it for him’ in any interaction. How often have we not showed this same thing to our children when we say, ‘Don’t be stupid. Make sure you get what you deserve or, there is nothing for nothing and there is no such thing as a free lunch!’ All wonderful advice, you may say, but there lies the seed of Narcissus. We teach them it’s all about me, me, me!

Power Games

This thinking has been acceptable for centuries, and despite periods of enlightened thinking, it keeps repeating. From periods of serfdom, slavery and when primitive people developed into a fairly civilised society, there has always been a class of people who we treat less than human; the stronger, more powerful group dominate. What is it in our psyche that drives this behaviour? Has pseudo civilisation hidden abuse so well that it is this dirty dark secret at home, at work and in society at large? The power-play remains the same – I have the power you must submit. Can we ever change?

‘Oh dear, how morbid can you get?’ that small voice in my head again! The scene before me has changed from calm and balmy to choppy and cool. The sound of the crashing waves is less soothing. A light aircraft flies by, perhaps on a rescue mission or tourists on a day out. Life goes on and perhaps that is all there is to it? Life being life.

And now it has become decidedly cooler. Time to go inside to my cosy nest? A sign perhaps that if by now you have read this far you may agree with most, that perhaps I am too negative? That I should embrace the joys of life more? Perhaps your sunny and positive disposition needs a dose of cool reality?

Tipping Point

Whatever your personal philosophy, the reality of the sexual abuse tipping point – along with the global shift in the balance of powers, notwithstanding the prevailing madness of powerful leaders – has within it the seeds of a monumental wake-up call for humanity; a call that the time has come for restoring the fundamental actual values that promote sustainable human development.

Self-Destructive

Values that are not self-destructive or planet destructive; values crucial to preserving the planet and humanity.  If you love your neighbour you will respect his home and yours, planet earth, too. It starts at home. Respect the people in your life and really love your children because loving anyone requires respect for them first; that I see you respect.

Conundrum

So what is this sexual conundrum? We have to start by looking at early human societal practices for acceptance of our sexuality as natural and necessary for the continued existence of the species. Humans have instinctively always known the importance of preserving the species before sexual practice, even had a name. But how to present this to children without turning it into something dark and secret, and unspoken. Huh, I hear you say, that horse left the stable centuries ago.

History

There are centuries of history of child abuse. These days we have bombarded them with so much sexual innuendo, as if sex were something secret and nasty, that they have no compunction treating it so in speech and action. That is why you the modern, enlightened parent have to be open. Encourage a conversation where we answer questions honestly, so that the child has the confidence to confide any concerns. We can only do this when a child is sure that he can trust the parent. The most diabolical thing to do is to betray that trust with abuse!

Divine Gift

We have to combine the acceptance of sex as natural and good with respect for each other. Unless we do, we will misuse and abuse our sexuality. We do this to the detriment of society and personally, by losing our sense of identity, our sense of value and our sense of personhood. We lose when we do not acknowledge that our sexuality is precious. Precious because we have it as privilege to co-create with the Divine Creator as something to venerate as a divine gift.  We should hold it in high regard, second only to real love. It is when we squander divine gifts with abuse and demean our neighbour through these gifts, that we turn on ourselves.

Change

And now it really is quite cool and choppy, despite a clear sky and bright sunshine. Another conundrum? So, what can we take away from all this? I think the only way forward, to begin with, is to start with you and me. To make a change it starts here and now with us, by talking about it, then doing something, anything to help breathe cleaner, fresh air into a polluted situation.

Weapons for Battle

Honesty, respect and integrity, develop trust, understanding and confidence for the child. Armed with these children can stand their ground in any sexual circumstance unless very young and helpless. The sexuality conundrum does not have to be one. We have to choose – genuine love or self-hatred because it is only when we cannot love ourselves that we cannot love or respect the other.

 Lynda Rogle©