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‘Ties that bind’ is a popular phrase used to describe a relationship between people. This could be between life partners, commercial, social groups, tribes, family members, patriots, mutual ideologists, or our higher power.  We may forge ties during a difficult but often rewarding experience, when we overcome adversity or we have ties of mutual loyalty to tradition.

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The image of interlocked rings on many marriage notices has always intrigued me. When we look at how relationships disintegrate in society, I often wonder how many of us who go into a binding tie consider that middle section, formed by the linking, to be too high a climb for us to make it to the top?

Taken by Lynda Rogle

Personal Experience

Looking at my personal experiences with some amusement, I think having compassion helps us understand our sometimes contradictory behavior towards each other. Although I have no regrets about failing to climb some of those lofty peaks in relationships, I often wonder what I could’ve done better? Should we never commit to any relationship for fear of failing? That is hardly the answer.

Self Relation

The solution could lie in how people relate to themselves. When relationships of any kind fail, think about what has failed. We must be brutally honest about ourselves first. It is not so much that we fail society, partners, colleagues, friends or family. We fail ourselves. How do we sabotage what we thought we wanted, or what we wanted to aspire to? It happens when we trade our authenticity for expedience.

Societal Acceptance

We often decide based on our need to be accepted in society. It can be that some people consider it more binding to do what is customary and what is acceptable. With marriage, the fear some of us have of a single life can influence decisions. Norms change and the single family unit is often successful. For many of us though, the prospect of becoming a pariah or to appear to be someone who does not fit what is socially normal if we do not conform, forces us to settle instead of making authentic choices.

Religion and Law

Although often rituals and customs determine how we make important decisions, it does not always help to take refuge in them or religious practice. It also does not help when we don’t admit what we really want, or expect of a relationship. Consider Judeo-Christian biblical belief that God sanctions  marriage. When challenged by the ‘guardians’ of the law of the time regarding divorcing someone, Jesus answers so that responsibility for divorce rests squarely on the people, not the law. Moses allowed divorce, he tells them, because the people of the day were stubborn.

taken by lynda rogle

A distinction here is whether we go with God’s law or man’s law, that is Moses’s law. His response is also consistent with another legal challenge by the same ‘guardians of the law’. They present Jesus with a coin that has Caesar’s image on it and challenge the law about paying taxes. He tells them to render that which is Caesar’s, or man’s, to Caesar and to God what belongs to God. The choice is always ours.

Authentic

I think it is best when making choices to go with, think carefully about being true to yourself before you commit to anything. Trust yourself, have faith in the goodness in life, and forgive yourself when you make poor choices. We have to find the courage to start again. The fault is not always with the law, whether it be God’s law or man’s,  although some man-made laws should change. Some advice I once received was that God cannot forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself. Wow! I found this so empowering, whether or not it was excellent advice. To think it was up to me to start the process that enabled God to forgive? This would also enable me to make sure that the ties that bind are the right kind, for the next time I commit to something important. We can’t move on if we are caught up in useless guilt. We need to have the humility to admit we make mistakes so we can do well.

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 Lynda Rogle©

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