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Survival

It is much more difficult to fight the good fight when the enemy is within. The fight-or-flight instinct is often a split second decision on how to best survive a situation or how to handle it, but how to do so when that situation is internal?

Control

Judgement, discernment, criticism and a need to control our environment, come naturally in our daily dealings with each other. A journey inward to control our external reality, is what we gradually learn as we navigate our road to maturity.

Self-Love

A popular current sentiment, and a fact of life, is to love yourself first, before you can love anyone else. This is all true but must not to be mistaken for selfishness. Selfishness comes from a total self-interest that sees, in a tunnel-vision way, one’s self as the centre of the universe. This is a rocky road to megalomania. Self love should not prevent self-awareness, self-control, or self-development.

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Tools or Weapons for Battle

All the above qualities are necessary tools needed to relate, interact with, and negotiate the situations that arise externally. We develop the habit through a learning process or experience. Sometimes we get it right and other times we are a dismal failure. We must try to admit to our success or failure. With the help of some honest self-assessment and insight, we can work on the weaknesses and continue to fight another day.

Enemy?

A question arises, why do I call it a battle with an enemy to develop self-awareness, self-criticism and self-control? Is this not how people become socialised naturally anyway, and who is this enemy? The enemy is our natural resistance to see ourselves negatively. This is normally a good thing because it is not useful to be negative.

However, we must not ignore the possibility of having negative behaviour. The fear here is that if I appear to fall short, then there must be something wrong with me. What we should instead say is, how could I have done this better?

Reframing

Sometimes we have to undo negative habits, derived from a lifetime of pressure to achieve. Equally, a lifetime of overprotection from carers can also produce negative behaviour.  Reframing our perspective this way develops a balance so that we can become outstanding fighters outwardly and within. The trick is to recognize the ‘enemy’ within before we tackle the obvious external enemies.  These could be injustice, manipulation, and domination of one group over another.

Leaders

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It is too easy to find fault with things and people out there. Outstanding leaders have always been those who know themselves well enough to know how best to relate to those they lead. To acknowledge our missteps and make amends is a sign of strength, not weakness. The fear, of appearing weak before others when we apologise, is a sign of insecurity, not strength. Seek the root of the insecurity and you find a place where we have not developed the ability to fight the enemy within or to know yourself.

Unrealistic Expectations

Basic fear drives this enemy within; fear of not meeting expectations – sometimes unrealistic expectations. Fear of rejection is the most common fear because we all need acceptance. Not meeting external expectations raises that spectre of rejection. Another fear is that of failure. Only when we measure success by external expectations, instead of our own, do we fail.

Acceptance

We have to learn to know ourselves; it is then we accept who we are, know what we want and how to get there. When we shift focus to ourselves, we know that to measure up to someone else’s expectations will not matter. Most of all, we learn failure is a tool or weapon that teaches us how to do better; a step to success!

The Strange Fear of Success

A fear we often speak about is one I find a little strange, and it is a fear of success. Despite my doubts, it appears to be a genuine fear. Often this fear stems from a negative self-image developed in our formative years. We sometimes point to successful people, who still seem to be unhappy, as an example of this fear.

Solution

A solution to this contradiction of fearing success is – from the very beginning we have to decide what it is we really want from life. Is it achievement, accomplishment in a specific field, power, or is it to have a purpose in life?

Self-Confidence

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Perhaps we need to re-visit our ability to become self-aware, to know what is best for ourselves and for the world that we have to occupy. Self-confidence is born of self-awareness and is necessary for navigating the challenges we face daily.

In my experience, I have also found that humility and a willingness to learn are also useful guides to maturity and happiness.

©(Lynda Rogle)

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