Empathy Archives - lyndaroglebooks

You See Me

Lynda Rogle — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 07:01:27 +0000

You ask me why: I don’t talk to my neighbour I do not greet the stranger Neighbour and Stranger, do not see me – You see me You ask me: Who is my neighbour? Who is the Stranger? They are the same, my child. When will they see you? When they look through your eyes. How will they do that? When they remember. Remember what? Who they are. Author Unknown

The Contagion of Empathy

I found these words scribbled in a diary I seldom use. If anyone recognizes it, please let me know. I’ve made it ‘Author Unknown’ because I cannot accredit it. It reminded me of my last published article, ‘I See You’, regarding empathy. My take on these words is that empathy is contagious. The ability to see the other comes easily when first we learn to know who we are, and this is the basis for my new topic today.

Authentic

‘To thine own self be true’ is a well-known quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet and, translated, it means be authentic. It makes sense that we first have to know who we are before we even understand the other or see who they are. Once we have done this, it should be an easy next step to empathy, right? This is unfortunately not always the case. There are many other factors that play into our relationships. Even when we can see the other, it does not follow that we will always empathise. And that too is to be expected, depending on our experiences, motivation, and social persuasion.

Experience

I may have suffered a childhood trauma that hardens me to empathy when the person with whom I should empathise connects to the experience. This natural fear of the other, or self-protection to avoid a repetition of the experience, stops me. A way to free myself from that is acceptance that I cannot change the past and then let go of resentment and fear. I could also accept that the outcomes I can definitely control, depending on my present attitude. Imagine what the effect would be if instead of a fearful or even vengeful attitude, I thanked a past tormentor for the experience because it strengthened me and made me more successful in life. Now that would be freedom!

Motivation

I may see the other person but deliberately stifle any empathy that I may feel, because to empathise does not profit me. This happens too often in business or commercial transactions. The advice that we should take care of ‘number one’ because no one else will, is a common sentiment fostered in the commercial world and driven by competition. The need to be the most successful and wealthiest has reached a level where we consider it foolish to share or work together. The preferred way is to grab what we can and compete desperately. ‘What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul’ is not the mind of ambition. The damage caused by rampant industrialization not only shows an inability to see the other, it has also blinded humanity to our own self-destruction when we destroy the planet in the name of progress, let alone losing the soul.

Socialization

Society often justifies cruel and vicious practices against a group that it sees as weaker and of little social use, with a class or superiority mentality. There are many who think this way, including in recent times. However, throughout history, superior power and strength were always a social construct to be attained at all costs by some societies. The many present-day right-wing European and American groups are the current equivalent. Many Asian countries also have rigid class distinctions. In Africa, the memory of monarchical rule still manifests in the despotic governments of many countries. While communism projects the image of a benevolent father ruling for the benefit of the people, it is often a perfect example of the empowered controlling the dis-empowered.

Religion

Religion has also played a powerful part in promoting what we consider a superior state, which is exclusive to a particular group. Supremacy of one group over another is not modern. It is as old as humanity. We like to think that we are more civilized than our ancient forebears, yet I see little difference. If we are growing into a more civilized society, it’s taking an awfully long time.

Return

This brings us back to the words in my introduction. I found the message that ‘they will see me through your eyes’ immensely powerful. The trick is how to make empathy as effective as all the negative energy out there? It begins simply with you and me. They will see me through your eyes should become a daily mantra for all who hope to make a difference towards a better world. Once we see the value of empathy, surely it would show us how to do better?

Overwhelm

Often, the difficulty is the ability to see past our own overwhelm. We forget that to share our own difficulties is to allow the other to see us in all our vulnerability, so they, too, can exercise empathy. The contagion of empathy can and must make the change needed for us to see the fruits of an empathetic society, rather than one which is constantly at war with itself. Start with one step at a time and before you know it will become a habit. That small step can be a smile at the right time or an acknowledgement of the other, when we say ‘Hullo’. A kind word or a smile can work wonders. Children do this effortlessly. When did the adults lose this simple reaching out to others? We have so much to learn from children. I am reminded of that other famous advice, ‘ To such as these belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ Matt 19.14.

You See Me

When we attempt to know who we are, we begin the journey to make empathy so contagious that it becomes an osmotic movement from dense to rare. Only then will we live the reality of, they will see me through your eyes!

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I See You : Empathy as a Force that Empowers

Lynda Rogle — Fri, 23 Apr 2021 16:43:33 +0000

Unmask your Empathy

Greeting

Masks were used to control slaves. I suspect this allowed the owner to feel better about ‘ownership of another human being. The masks rendered the slave anonymous. An even more outrageous practice overcame the dissonance created by the unnatural ownership. This was the forceful wearing of the iron muzzle. Masks and uniforms can also have another effect on the wearer.

Aggression and Responsibility

The mask creates a reduction in responsibility. Daniel Natal reveals this in his presentation, ‘The Mask and Empathy’. He explains that an experiment conducted by Stanford Prison concluded that wearing a uniform changed the behaviour of participants. They became more aggressive. Does that mean American police should not be wearing uniforms? Of course, the American policing problem is more complex than to wear or not to wear a uniform. However, the mask may explain the particular brand of vicious that the Ku KLUX Klan practiced. Also interesting are the many uniformed groups in the recent storming of the US State Capitol. The anonymity gave them the aggression they needed, but must also have made it much easier for investigators to track them.

Children Read Faces

In a previous article, I applauded the ability we have to show empathy to a stranger by the simple greeting, ‘Sawubona’. This translates from isiZulu as, ‘I see you’. In the gradual movement of people towards each other due to progress, migration and globalization, we have lost this ability. The physical visual ability to see the other is more vital than ever before. The restrictions imposed by the pandemic of Covid-19 make this so. Now more than ever, we should make greater effort to see the person behind the mask – literally and figuratively. Some suggest that wearing that very necessary mask for health preservation retards our ability to do that.History and Slavery.

It makes sense that children need to read faces to develop empathy, as shown in much early childhood development experiments. It is little wonder we have more bullying at school and more mass shootings by young people. Technology is the new parent. The bullying at school may have more to do with how much face-time children get from parents versus screen-time. My friend Jean sent me the Daniel Natal video. She reminded me that South Africa’s latest headline news about bullying at school ended in suicide. I shudder to think how much more a lack of empathy will manifest in the generation of children raised behind masks.

Autism and Empathy

A phrase in the Daniel Natal video caught my attention: children are becoming technologically autistic. This can explain much of their social behaviour. The isolation and masking during Covid pandemic only makes things worse. It could help to restrict access to cell phones for younger children. They seem to be obsessed with selfies and self-promotion on various platforms. Their focus always on me, me, me!! How could children ever see the other when the total absorption in themselves blinds them to everything else.

Banal?

Is empathy banal, as suggested by Namwali Serpell, a Harvard professor? An important new and compulsory subject to be taught at all levels at school should be, ‘How to Develop Empathy’. The purpose? To counteract the tech autism created by exposure to too much technology. The question is, will parents take note and keep up with the schools? Or will the view of ‘The Banality of Empathy’ as described by Namwali Serpell prevail? Are we to resign ourselves to a further increase in sociopathic behaviour because we see empathy as feeble? When we dismiss empathy as banal, are we saying it is irrelevant? I appreciate the sentiment that we can become numb to the suffering of others when we do nothing about it.

Know Thyself

Shakespeare’s Hamlet advises, ‘To thine ownself be true’. Do I not learn how to understand myself better when I realise how something makes me feel? Is this not being true to myself? How does my exposure to mind-numbing and emotion manipulating technology affect my ability to empathise? Is the empathy I felt when I read a story, watch a movie really trite and not relevant, perhaps? When I cannot admit to empathising with my negative side, am I dishonest? And should I go through life ignoring how I empathise because too often I do nothing with it?

Positive Empathy

A positive view is that monitoring what children see and controlling screen time is vital for the child’s healthy development. The ability to develop that ‘I see You’ quality must surely ensure a more stable and more productive society. It is a basic ingredient for good social relations and connection to others. If we are becoming autistic, a reality is that whatever the shade of our empathy, it exists in all its banality. What is important is what we do with empathy – do we make it work positively for us or not?

Negative Empathy and Action

Is the view that empathy is banal when we do not act on it, suggesting that acting on my negative empathy is okay? If, for some sociopathic reason, I empathise with villainous action in a movie, should I go out and kill, perhaps? Should I bully someone to validate my empathy? I doubt the writer intended to convey that. However, calling out inaction by saying empathy is banal, just so we take action, may trivialise the importance of making a distinction. This is how we also validate poor decisions. The ability to control emotion without losing passion is more pertinent. This is a subject for another day.

Lynda Rogle https://lyndaroglebooks.com

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