You See Me

You ask me why: I don’t talk to my neighbour I do not greet the stranger Neighbour and Stranger, do not see me – You see me You ask me: Who is my neighbour? Who is the Stranger? They are the same, my child. When will they see you? When they look through your eyes. How will they do that? When they remember. Remember what? Who they are. Author Unknown

The Contagion of Empathy

I found these words scribbled in a diary I seldom use. If anyone recognizes it, please let me know. I’ve made it ‘Author Unknown’ because I cannot accredit it. It reminded me of my last published article, ‘I See You’, regarding empathy. My take on these words is that empathy is contagious. The ability to see the other comes easily when first we learn to know who we are, and this is the basis for my new topic today.

Authentic

‘To thine own self be true’ is a well-known quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet and, translated, it means be authentic. It makes sense that we first have to know who we are before we even understand the other or see who they are. Once we have done this, it should be an easy next step to empathy, right? This is unfortunately not always the case. There are many other factors that play into our relationships. Even when we can see the other, it does not follow that we will always empathise. And that too is to be expected, depending on our experiences, motivation, and social persuasion.

Experience

I may have suffered a childhood trauma that hardens me to empathy when the person with whom I should empathise connects to the experience. This natural fear of the other, or self-protection to avoid a repetition of the experience, stops me. A way to free myself from that is acceptance that I cannot change the past and then let go of resentment and fear. I could also accept that the outcomes I can definitely control, depending on my present attitude. Imagine what the effect would be if instead of a fearful or even vengeful attitude, I thanked a past tormentor for the experience because it strengthened me and made me more successful in life. Now that would be freedom!

Motivation

I may see the other person but deliberately stifle any empathy that I may feel, because to empathise does not profit me. This happens too often in business or commercial transactions. The advice that we should take care of ‘number one’ because no one else will, is a common sentiment fostered in the commercial world and driven by competition. The need to be the most successful and wealthiest has reached a level where we consider it foolish to share or work together. The preferred way is to grab what we can and compete desperately. ‘What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul’ is not the mind of ambition. The damage caused by rampant industrialization not only shows an inability to see the other, it has also blinded humanity to our own self-destruction when we destroy the planet in the name of progress, let alone losing the soul.

Socialization

Society often justifies cruel and vicious practices against a group that it sees as weaker and of little social use, with a class or superiority mentality. There are many who think this way, including in recent times. However, throughout history, superior power and strength were always a social construct to be attained at all costs by some societies. The many present-day right-wing European and American groups are the current equivalent. Many Asian countries also have rigid class distinctions. In Africa, the memory of monarchical rule still manifests in the despotic governments of many countries. While communism projects the image of a benevolent father ruling for the benefit of the people, it is often a perfect example of the empowered controlling the dis-empowered.

Religion

Religion has also played a powerful part in promoting what we consider a superior state, which is exclusive to a particular group. Supremacy of one group over another is not modern. It is as old as humanity. We like to think that we are more civilized than our ancient forebears, yet I see little difference. If we are growing into a more civilized society, it’s taking an awfully long time.

Return

This brings us back to the words in my introduction. I found the message that ‘they will see me through your eyes’ immensely powerful. The trick is how to make empathy as effective as all the negative energy out there? It begins simply with you and me. They will see me through your eyes should become a daily mantra for all who hope to make a difference towards a better world. Once we see the value of empathy, surely it would show us how to do better?

Overwhelm

Often, the difficulty is the ability to see past our own overwhelm. We forget that to share our own difficulties is to allow the other to see us in all our vulnerability, so they, too, can exercise empathy. The contagion of empathy can and must make the change needed for us to see the fruits of an empathetic society, rather than one which is constantly at war with itself. Start with one step at a time and before you know it will become a habit. That small step can be a smile at the right time or an acknowledgement of the other, when we say ‘Hullo’. A kind word or a smile can work wonders. Children do this effortlessly. When did the adults lose this simple reaching out to others? We have so much to learn from children. I am reminded of that other famous advice, ‘ To such as these belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ Matt 19.14.

You See Me

When we attempt to know who we are, we begin the journey to make empathy so contagious that it becomes an osmotic movement from dense to rare. Only then will we live the reality of, they will see me through your eyes!